Those dastardly cowbirds

The other day I was driving in the car with my daughters. My 12 year-old has moved into the very mature phase of "sitting in the front seat". She is sitting there, looking out the window when she suddenly sits up and looks at me.

"Mother," she says "You know what is just terrible about cowbirds, they are such an invasive species." Yes... my 12 year old is growing her vocabulary.

She then proceeded to start on a very mature rant about how they hurt the environment and damage the lives of the other poor little birds. At my mother's house, which is a farm in the middle of nowhere Missouri, my mom keeps a bb gun handy to shoot them away. Apparently, she's been teaching my daughter about them as well.

It was one of those moments when you look at your child and in your mind's eye you see her small, cherub, dirty face singing the alphabet song and then the real picture of a growing, maturing individual who is developing her own set of opinions and beliefs. *sigh*

She's growing up so much.

For those of you who don't know what a cowbird is, it's a parasitic bird that takes over the nests of other birds. Read more Here

"The brown-headed cowbird (Molothrus ater) is a brood parasite that lays its eggs in the nests of other birds. These "foster parents", called hosts, usually raise cowbird young at the expense of their own eggs or young."

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Can you say: friggatriskaidekaphobia?

No? Me either.

Friggatriskaidekaphobia is the fear of ... dun... dun... dun.... Friday the 13th! And here we are, on a Friday the 13th.

My older daughter, who was born on the 13th of October thinks that Friday the 13th is pretty darn cool. Can't say I blame her, she's had some awesome birthday parties.

I remember when she was an infant and the local diner was offering a free meal and t-shirt on a Friday the 13th phobia day for any person who was born on the 13th. My father took my daughter who was only six months old or so... he ate her free meal and then took her free t-shirt!

He said it was his grandpa privilege since he was the one watching her that day. Anyway, do you have any phobias? How do you feel about Friday the 13th? Do you find yourself a little more supersticious?

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Working Moms: The Mom Call

I’m nearing the end of my work day and trying to close everything down. My personal cell rings and I ignore it. It immediately rings again, I know who it is, oh yes, it’s one of my children.

“Hello” I answer

“Mom, mom, are you here” My younger daughter, the PeaPie says in an urgent whisper.

Mom flag goes on alert, “No, I’m not there, where are you?” Yes, my voice is a little stern.

“I’m in the bathroom, mom. I just can’t take it anymore.” says my 10 year old Asperger’s daughter, my PeaPie

A few random thoughts flit through my mind quickly as I try to guess what the world’s disaster might be today. “What’s the matter, Sweetie, what can’t you take anymore?”

“HER! She is trying to give me a titty twister and she is chasing me and now I am hiding in the bathroom. Mom, I can’t take it anymore.” The drama and angst coming through my cell phone at a now high pitch tone is carrying very well to all my co-workers hunkered down in their cubicles.

In the background, I hear banging. “What is your sister doing?”

“She is knocking on the door.”

“Why?” I ask, though I think I have a very good guess.

“I’ve locked it and she says she has to pee.”

Of course, I think. “Sweetie, let your sister in and you leave. Tell her she has to go to the restroom but can’t give you any titty twisters.” *be calm, don't laugh, be calm - mom mantra #1*

I’m walking down the hallway, trying not to run as I pass coworkers and try not to think about their expressions as they hear titty twisters.

Scuffling, yelling, shouting, whining and muffles commence for a few moments. I get my older daughter on the phone, finally, tell her she is to stop antagonizing her sister, cease and desist with any and all twisting events and to not get her sister all wound up. I get the "aw mom, I was just teasing her...."

As I climb into the car, it seems as if peace has once again returned to the wild lands of sibling rivalry.

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The little beast within us all: Anger

Swirling crimson liquid, thrums with vibrations;
Whirls spread out, farther, faster, stronger;
The soul's elixir vociferous with discord.

A moment's breath and swell, the flood rushes;
The sea of red reigns over all.

With a scream the barrier is torn asunder;
The deluge breaks free and
Life glistens with its dew.

We all have felt it. Sometimes it is warranted and sometimes it may seem irrational. Each of us handles anger differently, there are those who explode immediately and those that slowly simmer. Some are loud while others have a chilling silence. My therapist says that anger is a natural emotion and it can be healthy, especially when we feel wronged.

The secret to dealing with the anger is not to let it get control of you. The other side to this is, don’t try fighting it either. You feel what you feel and need to accept it. Because I am recovering from abuse and a suicide of a loved one, to say that I feel anger is often an understatement.
I feel rage. Consuming. Surprising. Filling. Never before in my life have I felt such rage. The biochemistry of rage lists all these hormones and chemicals that make our body just buzz with the biological manifestation of rage.

Rage has driven humans to do some very terrifying acts. I’m rational enough and sane enough not to be thinking about climbing some tower with a gun, but, there are times when I just can’t seem to control the anger I feel and sometimes it does spiral into rage. I want to bang my hands on the steering wheel and curse like a drunken sailor. I’m sure I’d get some crazy looks for that behavior though, so what I try to do is just keep it balanced.

When I start feeling anger, I take a deep breath, I recognize it for what it is. I let the emotion flow over me. I don’t try do deny it. After a moment or two, usually, it passes. I think that sometimes I should get myself a little beating bag and go to town on it. What about you, what do you do when anger gets a hold of you and you have trouble keeping it in place?

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Do you recognize insanity when he comes for you?

I had forgotten about this blog. I mean, there was a part of me that remembered that it was here but that knowledge was just a vague understanding. It was floating in the depths of my mind, swirling with the other shattered bits of my life. I really started blogging in September of last year and then stopped.

You see, I’ve been gone for a while. I was here, but I wasn’t here. The last time I posted was in November of last year. Time is such a relative thing. Sometimes it feels like moments, when it is days, and then feels like days when it is but moments.

I made some mistakes. I introduced a person into my life that in retrospect was a very bad decision. I let emotions and feelings cloud my judgment and led me down a path. That path ended abruptly on February 28th, 2010 when my second husband took his own life. I do not feel any guilt over it, probably the one emotion I don’t feel. I find suicide to be the most selfish and cowardly act a person can make.

My therapist says I was abused. I wasn’t hit. The abuse was the kind that comes in the shapes of words and emotional manipulation. I can’t easily describe the feelings that come and go. I cope with such feelings of rage that at times I feel overwhelmed. All has not been negative, there have been some positives.

It will take some time for me to share the details, the feelings and the lessons I have learned. I think returning to my blog will be cathartic. I will re-establish my life. Cope with what comes and find peace between the was and is.

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So So So Busy!

Good Grief, life has gotten busy for me... mostly, it's work that got real busy for me. That whole post a blog entry every day thing went right out the window. It was a nice idea and one that perhaps next year, I'll actually be able to do!

I have been a main project member on a project at work and this past week, me and one other person had to build the training curriculum for training 600 employees or so... training that starts next week... I was in a pretty fine state of panic last week, but I think it's eased a bit.

I'm looking forward to actually getting to play in the blogosphere!

Hope you all have been well!

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Gotta love the public library

When I was in college my work study was in the college library. There is something about libraries that just make them special.

Now days you can get just about anything at the library... even spend some time on a public computer and do some bloggy action.

So, how often do you visit the public library?

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